Is your baby crying a lot, and you don't know what to do anymore? You might have tried everything: breast, bottle, holding, changing, lullabies... yet the crying continues.
First, take a breath: you are not alone, and most importantly, it's not your fault.
Crying is a normal part of infant development. A healthy baby can cry 2 to 3 hours a day, sometimes more depending on the period. These cries often peak around 6 weeks, then gradually decrease around 3 to 4 months.
In this article, we will look at why babies cry all the time, how to recognize discharge crying or infant colic, and especially how to soothe a crying baby with simple, respectful, and reassuring gestures.
Key takeaways
- A healthy baby can cry 2 to 3 hours a day.
- Crying often reaches a peak around 6 weeks, then decreases.
- Crying doesn't mean you're a bad parent.
- Physical contact and babywearing are among the most soothing responses.
Article summary
- Why does baby cry so much?
- Discharge crying, colic: how to tell the difference?
- How to soothe a baby who cries a lot?
- Babywearing: a natural response to crying
- Massage, warm bath, and soothing rituals
- Can a pacifier help?
- Should you let a baby cry?
- When to worry about baby's crying?
- Taking care of yourself when baby cries a lot
- Conclusion
Why does baby cry so much?
Why is crying a baby's first language?
A baby doesn't cry to manipulate. It's not a tantrum. Their brain simply isn't mature enough for that.
For an infant, crying is communicating a need. They're calling, searching, expressing something they can't yet say otherwise.
This can be very hard to hear, especially when the crying lasts. But responding to a baby's cries isn't "getting them used to being held". It's showing them they can count on you.
Little by little, this presence builds a secure attachment. Baby feels understood, contained. And sometimes, even if the crying doesn't stop immediately, your presence already helps them enormously.
What are the most frequent causes of crying?
When a baby cries a lot, we can start by checking the simplest needs. Not because it's always obvious, but because small things matter a lot to a little one.
Common causes are:
- hunger or the need to suckle;
- fatigue, sometimes difficult to spot;
- a dirty diaper or discomfort;
- cold, heat, or uncomfortable clothing;
- a need for physical contact;
- an overstimulating day;
- boredom or the need for company;
- pain: reflux, teething, gas, ear infection, fever.
Sometimes, you'll find it quickly. Sometimes not. And that's when it's most trying.
A baby can be fed, changed, held... and continue to cry. This doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It often means they're going through an intense phase.
How long does a baby cry per day?
On average, a baby can cry up to 2 hours a day, sometimes 2 to 3 hours depending on their age and sensitivity.
This number can be surprising. When you're living it, 2 hours of crying feel endless. Especially at night. Especially when you're sleep-deprived. Especially when you wonder if something is wrong.
But in the first few weeks, crying is often more frequent. It can appear without obvious cause, then calm down on its own with time.
If your baby eats well, gains weight, has calm awake times, and shows no worrying signs, these cries may be part of their normal development.
What is the peak of crying in infants?
The peak of crying is a normal phase in the development of many babies.
Generally, crying starts to increase around 2 to 3 weeks, becomes more intense around 6 to 8 weeks, then gradually decreases around 3 to 4 months.
This peak is related to the maturation of the nervous system. Baby discovers the world, receives many sensations, processes new experiences... and doesn't yet have the tools to regulate themselves.
Some babies cry little. Others a lot. Some calm down easily. Others seem inconsolable babies, even in arms.
This says nothing about your parenting skills. It mostly says that your baby is still very small, with an immature nervous system.
Discharge Crying, Colic: How to Tell the Difference?
What is baby discharge crying?
Baby discharge crying often appears at the end of the day, sometimes between 6 PM and midnight. This is the famous moment when baby cries in the evening, even though everything seemed to be going well before.
These cries can be very confusing. Baby has eaten, their diaper is clean, they don't have a fever... but they cry loudly, for a long time, sometimes in your arms.
We talk about discharge crying when baby releases an excess: stimulations, fatigue, tension, emotions accumulated during the day.
It's not a sign of illness in itself. It's often a way for baby to release what they can't yet manage otherwise.
What helps most in these moments is often:
- a calmer environment;
- soft lighting;
- less noise;
- being held;
- rocking;
- skin-to-skin contact;
- physiological babywearing.
What is infant colic?
Infant colic refers to intense, repetitive, difficult-to-calm crying in an otherwise healthy baby.
We often know the rule of 3, called Wessel's rule: crying that lasts more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week, for more than 3 weeks.
Today, it is considered a bit too rigid. Current criteria are more nuanced: we speak instead of prolonged periods of crying, agitation, or irritability, without an obvious cause, in an otherwise healthy baby.
Signs often associated with colic are:
- a tense belly;
- gas;
- bent legs;
- a red face;
- clenched fists;
- significant agitation;
- cries that are difficult to calm.
We often think of digestive problems, and they can play a role. But colic is not always solely digestive. It can also be related to the immaturity of the nervous system, the baby's sensitivity, or several factors at once.
If in doubt, it's best to talk to your pediatrician, midwife, or child health clinic.
Colic or discharge crying: how to tell the difference?
Comparison table: infant colic or discharge crying?
| Criterion | Infant Colic | Discharge Crying |
|---|---|---|
| Time of crying | At different times of the day | Mainly at the end of the day |
| Main cause | Possible digestive discomfort | Need to release accumulated tension |
| Physical symptoms | Tense belly, gas, bent legs, agitation | No particular physical symptom |
| Intensity of crying | Often intense and difficult to calm | Variable, often related to a need for comfort |
| Baby's reaction | Seems uncomfortable or in pain | Mainly seeks proximity and soothing |
| What can help | Babywearing, belly massage, warmth, digestive support | Babywearing, being held, rocking, calm environment, reassuring contact |
This table provides guidelines, but it does not replace medical advice. If you are concerned about your baby's crying, if they seem to be in pain, or if their behavior changes suddenly, consult a professional.
How to soothe a baby who cries a lot?
What gestures to try first?
When looking for how to calm a crying baby, it's best to start simple.
You can try:
- checking for hunger, diaper, temperature;
- offering a cuddle;
- doing skin-to-skin;
- gently rocking baby;
- walking with them;
- singing a lullaby;
- speaking in a low, steady voice;
- reducing the light;
- limiting noise;
- changing rooms;
- going out for a few minutes if possible.
Sometimes, a tiny change is enough. A darker room. A softer voice. A slower movement. A walk in your arms.
And sometimes, nothing works right away. In that case, your role isn't necessarily to "silence" the crying. It's also to be there, as much as possible, to support your baby through this difficult time.
Can the "tiger in the tree" position help?
The forearm position, sometimes called "tiger in the tree", can relieve some babies, especially in cases of gas or digestive discomfort.
Baby is placed face down on your forearm, their head near the crook of your elbow, with your hand supporting their pelvis or stomach. This position exerts slight pressure on the abdomen.
It can be helpful, but always under supervision, in your arms, and never for sleeping.
If baby seems uncomfortable after meals, you can also keep them slightly upright against you, without squeezing their belly.
Babywearing: A natural response to crying
When faced with an infant's cries, physiological babywearing is one of the most instinctive responses. Babies have always been carried close to their parents for reassurance, containment, and support.
Why does babywearing soothe a baby's cries?
Babywearing replicates several sensations familiar to baby:
- body warmth;
- heartbeats;
- rocking;
- proximity;
- reassuring containment;
- parent's scent;
- movement.
This sensory continuity greatly helps many babies regain a sense of security. This is particularly valuable during evening cries, colic, or periods of agitation.
Of course, babywearing doesn't calm all babies every time. And that's okay. But for many families, it becomes a true daily benchmark.
Does babywearing really reduce infant crying?
Yes, the link between babywearing and infant crying has been studied.
A study by Hunziker & Barr published in Pediatrics in 1986 showed that additional carrying time reduced crying and fussing by 43% over the entire day and by 51% in the evening.
You can find the scientific summary here.
Why can this help? Because proximity often allows you to anticipate needs before crying becomes very intense. You more quickly spot signs of fatigue, hunger, discomfort, or the need for calm.
Babywearing is not just a technique to calm a baby. It's also a way to connect with them in real life, even when days are a bit chaotic.
Can carrying baby while walking help when they cry in the evening?
Yes, many parents notice it: an inconsolable baby in their arms can sometimes calm down as soon as they start walking.
Movement activates what is sometimes called the transport reflex. Research has observed that some infants carried while walking reduce their movements, cry less, and show a slowing of their heart rate.
In short: the parent's movement can help baby calm down.
That's why babywearing in motion is often very useful when baby cries in the evening. It allows you to keep baby close, while continuing to walk, breathe, and move gently.
And for the parent, it's also more comfortable than holding them for a long time at arm's length.
Is physiological babywearing just a method to calm a baby?
Physiological babywearing should not be seen only as a technique to "stop" crying.
Of course, it can help soothe a crying baby. But it goes further than that. It's also a way to support baby in their first months, with proximity, gentleness, and security.
Being carried allows the infant to stay close to their parent while discovering the world at their own pace. They hear your voice, smell your scent, feel your movements, and rediscover a familiar contact.
This proximity nourishes the attachment bond. It can also help baby feel more secure daily, even outside of crying moments.
For parents, the baby carrier also has a very practical advantage: it allows them to keep their hands free, while meeting the baby's need for contact.
When crying lasts, it can truly provide relief. You can walk, prepare a simple meal, take care of an older child, or just take a breather, without putting baby down if they need to be close to you.
Babywearing is not a magic solution. But it is often a real support, for both baby and parent.
Which baby carrier to choose to calm a crying baby?
To soothe a crying baby, the ideal is to choose a baby carrier that is:
- physiological;
- adapted to the baby's age and weight;
- comfortable for the parent;
- quick to install;
- enveloping without compressing;
- respectful of the baby's natural posture.
The Exquis from Bud & Blossom can be used from 3.5 kg. Its enveloping nature is reminiscent of the sensations of a baby wrap, while remaining simple to install.
This is a real advantage in moments when baby is crying loudly and you need a quick, reassuring, and comfortable setup.
Massaging baby's belly and giving them a warm bath usually soothes their cries
How to massage baby's belly?
Belly massage can help some babies, especially in cases of gas or digestive discomfort.
You can gently massage baby's belly with circular motions, in a clockwise direction. The movement should remain very gentle, without pressing too hard.
Choose a time when baby is receptive. If they tense up, cry more, or turn their body away, it's best to stop and try again later.
Some parents are also interested in Ayurvedic massage for newborns. You can discover a more detailed approach here: Ayurvedic newborn massage.
Can a warm bath calm a crying baby?
A warm bath can become a soothing ritual for some babies.
Warm water, touch, the parent's voice, and a slower pace can help baby release the day's tensions.
But again, not all babies react the same way. Some love baths. Others cry even more. We observe, we adjust, and we don't force it.
The most important thing is to create a calm, secure, and predictable moment.
Does using a pacifier help calm baby's cries?
Is a pacifier a good solution?
A pacifier can occasionally help some babies, especially those with a strong need to suck.
Sucking is a natural reflex. It can reassure, help baby fall asleep, or accompany a period of agitation.
But a pacifier does not replace responding to baby's needs. If baby cries because they are hungry, in pain, cold, need contact or comfort, the pacifier doesn't solve everything.
It can be one tool among others, not the primary solution.
If you are looking for a suitable pacifier, you can discover Elhée's anti-colic physiological pacifiers.
Should you let a baby cry?
Does a baby cry to manipulate?
No. A baby does not cry to manipulate.
Their brain is not yet able to regulate itself like an adult's. They cannot "pull themselves together," wait long, or calm down solely by willpower.
When they cry, they need an adult to help them through what they are feeling.
Responding to cries does not create bad habits. On the contrary, it builds a sense of security.
Should you feel guilty if you let baby cry for a few minutes?
No, not at all.
There's a big difference between letting a baby cry on principle and putting a baby down safely for a few minutes because you're exhausted, at your wits' end, or feel like you're about to snap.
If you can't take it anymore, put baby on their back in their crib, safely, and step away for a few minutes. Breathe. Call someone. Drink a glass of water. Come back when you feel stronger.
A baby who cries for a few minutes safely will always be safer than a parent who is left alone, exhausted, without support.
You have the right to need a break.
When to worry about baby's crying?
What warning signs should prompt a consultation?
Crying is normal, but certain signs should prompt immediate medical attention.
Consult a healthcare professional if baby presents:
- fever;
- refusal to feed;
- repeated vomiting;
- weight loss;
- very shrill or unusual cries;
- a very limp, too calm, or difficult-to-wake baby;
- a sudden change in behavior;
- respiratory distress;
- a very bloated belly;
- significant signs of pain;
- a strong concern on your part, even without obvious signs.
You know your baby. If something seems abnormal to you, it's best to seek advice.
This article provides information but never replaces a medical diagnosis.
Who to turn to when baby cries a lot?
You can seek help from:
- your pediatrician;
- your general practitioner;
- a midwife;
- your local child and family health service (PMI in France);
- a lactation consultant if crying seems related to feeding;
- a babywearing instructor if you want guidance on installation.
You can also contact Allô Parents Bébé: 0 800 00 34 56. This is a free helpline for listening and supporting parents of young children.
Don't stay alone with cries that overwhelm you. Seriously.
How to take care of yourself when baby cries a lot
Why do baby's cries exhaust parents so much?
A baby who cries a lot is tough. Even with all the love in the world.
Repeated crying can create tension, helplessness, anger, and guilt. And when sleep is scarce, everything becomes more difficult.
This does not make you a bad parent. It makes you a tired, human parent, doing their best.
You already do a lot for your baby.
What to do when you feel like you can't take it anymore?
In moments when crying becomes too difficult to bear:
- place the baby safely in their crib;
- step away for a few minutes;
- breathe slowly;
- call your spouse, a friend, a relative;
- ask for help, even for a short time;
- go out for fresh air if someone can stay with the baby;
- contact a professional if you feel overwhelmed.
Never shake a baby. Not even once. Not even "just to make them stop". If you feel the tension rising, safely putting the baby down is a good instinct.
You have the right to say: "I need help right now."
Conclusion
A baby who cries a lot is not crying against you. They are crying because they are communicating, because they are going through an intense phase, because their little nervous system is still learning to live in the world.
Crying is often normal, temporary, and says nothing about your worth as a parent.
Contact, cuddles, a soft voice, a bath, a massage, movement, and physiological babywearing can really help. Not always perfectly. Not like magic. But often, enough to get through the moment with a little more gentleness.
At Bud & Blossom, we strongly believe in this simple closeness: carrying the baby close, accompanying them, reassuring them, while taking care of the parent's comfort.
Trust yourself. And above all, don't stay alone if it's too much.
